Telegraph Road Report; The Musical Fruit


Ok. Telegraph Road Report! (from MORNING rush hour). My dad and I stop at a red light about 6:45 a.m. Still half asleep, I happen to look over at the car next to me in the left hand turn lane. There is a blonde girl with frog eyes, a weak chin, hair pulled up in a banana clip, wearing a white sweater and blue jeans. She is eating her breakfast with a plastic fork off a paper plate in her lap. Her breakfast is cut up hot dogs and baked beans. At 6 the morning. In her car. On the way to work. We start laughing, like anybody would when trying to figure out why she was at a BBQ at 6 in the morning on a weekday in the winter. She sees us looking, gets really pissed and starts bitching up a storm. Her face gets red and the veins stand out on her temple. We couldn't hear her, but I could almost read her lips; "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU LOOKING AT??" As she says this three things happen: First she reaches for the volume knob on her radio, maybe to turn it down so we can better hear her giving us What For. Second, she tries to pull forward out of our view, but can't because of the car in front of her, so she locks 'em up. Following which I pull forward too so she can still see us staring at her. And Third, a piece of bean flies out of her mouth and hits the middle of her steering wheel. We both notice that with the jerking of her car, her fork falls off her plate and onto her light-blue jean covered leg, brown sugar bean sauce and all. Then the light changes and, still screaming, she stomps on the gas and speeds off, but, forgetting she's making a left turn, almost rolls it as she goes around the corner. She brakes and swerves a few times, almost hitting the curb and I think she may have spilled her plate, then speeds away. We laughed for hours. Let's all pray to God she works outdoors. Can you see the Headline? ENTIRE OFFICE NUKED WHEN BLOND WOMAN GOES OFF AFTER PORK AND BEAN BREAKFAST-HAZMAT TEAM SENT IN


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